I'm doomed

I'm feeling like shit whenever I think of softball. Never felt so tired playing softball in my life before. It's draining me. I am so drained from all this shit. Why am I becoming like this 8/ it's really not okay. I repeat NOT OKAY.

How to get back to the awesome me again? How to get back to the pitcher who always have super awesome confidence whenever she step on the pitcher plate.

How to play seagames in this state. I don't want to hai my team to lose. I want to play too but I rather be benched than to play cos i know I'm not up to the standard.

Now I can't even pitch a bloody straight ball. I think my ball is slower than secondary sch kid. I feel like a loser. A ultimate fucking bloody loser.

Nobody is able to save me from this DOWN HILL. I dk how to pick myself up anymore. I feel like giving up. Really on the urge to. :-(